Please be seated

It would not have been difficult to be a little embarrassed occasionally by our family arriving at and settling into church. We were never few in number and yes the old jokes of “didn’t you have a television’ and ‘small house was it?” usually followed when you said there were ten in the family. When I was young of course other people would say “Catholics huh?” I didn’t understand that for many years, as there are many things that are never discussed when you are ‘a catholic’ It was interesting at times in the church, as the rites and ceremonies usually required a lot of sitting, then standing, then kneeling, then standing, then sitting. I used to think it was because we couldn’t make ourselves comfortable on the hard wooden seats. But it may be the church was just well ahead on the concept of DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) and by so many different moves in the hour or so the ritual progressed, it prevented sudden movement of any blood clots and thereby cutting down on the potential number of funerals the church would have to fit in.

One of the first problems for us , as a family, was of course getting into church. This was at a time when the churches used to be practically full for every mass. We would of course arrive into the hushed cavern of the small church, at least seven of us guaranteed, the odd one may have been missing for one reason or another, after our longish walk. It seemed no coincidence that usually the only spaces left would be at the front area of the church. We would move in to the church, under the usually frowning stare of the other ‘Christian’ parishioners and make our way down the side of the pews. I always felt it was glares and stares that followed us, but occasionally I caught a glimpse of sympathy (strange creatures these catholics).

Our arrival seemed to coincide especially when the mass was just starting, and everyone was taking their seats after the opening entry by the priest and alter boys (more on that later). So, there we were, slowly trying to ‘sneak’ down to the spaces passing all those standing when the priest having reached the assigned position would turn and say “Please be seated’. Everyone sat. And there we would be, exposed. The only people standing in full view of all the ‘good’ people. The ones who had arrived with plenty of time (probably in their cars).

(Continued tomorrow)