All The Volume

Have you ever noticed how a quietly spoken person can sometimes get your attention very effectively? I have seen many situations where the yelling, screaming person (which admittedly has sometimes been me) just doesn’t communicate and simply raises everyone’s blood pressure (including their own), triggering several waves of anger and frustration, creating negative feelings and emotions and, in particular creating ‘auditory exclusion’. That’s when due to focusing on a situation, your hearing actually shuts down and you can’t hear the instructions or events. It is a well known condition in many stressful situations, particularly if you have never been in the situation before. Many soldiers encounter ‘auditory exclusion’ during their first battle situations. Many people after a traffic incident will experience. In fact, probably during the accident is when it starts. This is why often witnesses are unreliable. As they experience stress, they stop listening.

I won’t deny there have been times when my loud voice has proven useful in passing on information, particularly when calmly raising my voice above a crowd, or above a loud sound system. But that is simply a matter of volume, not shouting or screaming. What I am referring to is stressful situations where loud, is not necessarily the best way to handle the situation. Going head to head with someone and screaming at their face is pointless. Simply yelling doesn’t work. I had been yelled at a lot by my father and occasionally my mother, brothers, sisters and not much happened. Instead if you can speak quietly, calmly and clearly when all about are….er… Isn’t that a quote? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs…. No, I recall. It’s a Poem ‘IF’ by Rudyard Kipling. But I have seen that line butchered by the silly inspirational quotes If you can keep you your head when all about you are losing theirs… you probably don’t understand the situation. (or comedians) If you can keep your head when all those about you are losing theirs, you probably operate the guillotine.

However, just as might is not right, volume does not make it right either. The skill I have discovered in communication is, to get people to hear exactly what you are saying to them. Not what they think they hear you say, but what you want them to understand. It’s easy to miss that. Communication for the speaker is….I want you to hear what ‘I’ think I am saying, not what ‘you’ think I am saying. For the listener, I want to hear ‘what’ you are saying, not what I ‘think’ you are saying (subtle difference in emphasis isn’t it). There are definite similarities and if they can both be clearly met, then communication is achieved for both the speaker and the listener.  This is often a problem many encounter when dealing with people who are not actually suffering auditory exclusion, but are just ignorant and selfish. Getting people to take the volume down to a socially acceptable level, whether just voice or music and amplified sounds. And lets be honest, it is easier to listen if the volume is lower than a scream (although there are many heavy metal music lovers who seem to believe otherwise).

(Continued tomorrow)