Shaping The Man (Part 3)

Our confused birthdays (and incorrect dates) aside, what appeared to be of interest to my father, tended not to be shared with the young members of his family. So we never really got to know his interests first hand. He went to his lawn bowls and lost a lot, and won a few, which he cherished (I think he got on the committee there). He went to the horse races (when they were on), or followed them on the radio. Years later, my mother discovered a little black book which showed how much interest he had in ‘horse racing’. In the winter he went to his rugby football club (he also became treasurer, or secretary there later on). He went to the local hotel nightly (and didn’t get on any committee’s but he went there a lot for meetings, cough cough)….. we remained at home.

We saw him at the end of his work-day, sometimes, briefly tending to the garden before going over the road for his evening drink. We saw him if he was home on a Saturday morning (before bowls in the summer and, before the rugby club if winter). We did see him if he gave us tasks to do. And we saw him wallpaper various rooms, in the different houses we lived in as we moved around. We saw him on Sunday, after we got back from church, although he did occasionally attend, mainly Easter and Christmas (if there was no bowls on). Or we saw him on Sunday if there was a rugby game on the television and some motor sports. Which is strange when you think about it, as we didn’t own a car, and there never seemed to be any motor interest apart from that. He did like to cook his own Sunday lunch (see blog 19^th June 2012) but that was for him. He never cooked it for everybody. If these were his interests before he became my father, then he apparently kept them up after he became my father as well.

Yet he kept them to himself. I don’t recall ever being invited or even going to watch him compete in Lawn Bowls or to watch the football club play (Even when he was secretary or treasurer). He did take me to a soccer game once, after I had been playing for the club Northern United and he had come to watch. His only comment after that game was ‘That other boy was fast, wasn’t he?” referring to our winger (Who was fast.) But that was little encouragement or support. As we didn’t have a car, we relied on other parents and the coach to get us to the games and therefore, maybe my father was embarrassed to ask for a ride to watch me play? These incidents in our relationship (which we both struggled with) are clearly understood by me now as an adult. They contributed to the divide and lack of appreciation of each other. It was, where my father had come from that created this man.

(continued tomorrow)