Getting A Word In

Trying to inform my parents of my side of the story, after an incident, was never very successful. My mothers ‘Englishness’ would switch on. I often recall that wonderful stoicism. At least that was the word that always comes to mind. I always associated it with meaning the ‘brave last line of defence, and loyal ‘British-ness’ of soldiers and civilians, displayed in the wonderful propaganda films we watched growing up (Yes the British did propaganda as well, despite what my mother often argued when we were growing up. Just watch Mrs Miniver, a great war film, - 1942 with Greer Garson, she was terrific, but it was pure ‘emotional’ war propaganda) However, it was a visualisation of the word stoicism I thought she embodied, that implied so much. I can still see my mother’s spine snapping into effect. Rapidly straightening of her back and the spine appearing to lengthen. For a short woman at 5foot and maybe 1 inch tall, she projected a very strong, capable and sometimes fearful posture. 

I also think of her posture as that of a pigeon. Without meaning to be rude to her gender, a male pigeon. If you can for a moment visualise that posture when a male pigeon is trying to impress a female and they puff themselves up, sticking out their chest and raising up their head as if more important and larger than they really are. You can see it right? Well, that was the impression I recall of my mother when she was affronted by some slight, incident or verbal comment to which she objected.  She would gather herself and, in a great effort to contain her anger, or hurt, she took on that posture and replied, or left, proudly and bravely.

Stoicism however doesn’t mean quite what I had always believed it to mean. It actually comes from a group or movement of the ancient Greeks. A school of philosophy where happiness equates with knowledge and holding the belief that wisdom consists of self-mastery, the submission to natural laws and indifference to pain, pleasure and the caprices of fortune. It also means, according to the dictionary (Penguin English dictionary- not a preference, but was just the nearest of five I have on the shelves), Stoic n 2 a person who bears their pain, hardship and sorrow without showing their feelings or complaining. I guess in these situations I wasn’t very Stoic. I was never very good at bearing pain, suffering the hardships imposed and complaining to … well, to my other sisters and brothers. Most were not to interested except sometimes when we all knew the punishment had somewhat exceeded the incident. Maybe my father was Stoic, as he seemed to be able to inflict pain with a certain amount of indifference. Although I have to admit he did show his feelings sometimes, when we were confronted by him, prior to receiving our punishment, Anger, probably tinged with a certain amount of disappointment.

(Continued tomorrow)