Sound of the Lead-in

For legal reasons there are some things I cannot discuss on this blog. Mainly to protect the innocent (bit late to protect the names of?). Those of you who were waiting to hear me relate a more horrific thrashing than that which I recently recounted, may have been disappointed by the recent conclusion to the drawn out (some would say excessively) tale of my brother's head injury (for which he told me years later, was to blame for all of his problems. I believe there is a difference between something being responsible for causing a problem, and being told by someone else that it was to blame for any problems). In relating the tale I was trying to explain the fear experienced by my siblings and myself of receiving punishment, and specifically for something that was accidental. And to mention, the type or methods of punishment our father could, might and did use. 

As I mentioned, we children were not always the angels our mother would have wished for, but I don't believe we were ever malicious towards another person ( at least not intentionally. Does that even make sense?). Any malicious act was most often in defence of one or other of the family. We tried to stand up for each other, particularly in the schools where we attended together at various times. As we often were following each other through various schools, the odd year or two two apart, mainly, once my father had plateaued in his job progression, and we found ourselves in the one town and pretty much the one area for a number of years. It was the reputation of the older siblings which was forever being linked to the family members following and the pressure of expected achievement by not just the family, but also by the various teachers we encountered.

I introduce this now, as a way to highlight the difference that being told something and being taught something are two vastly different things. Funnily enough, this still relates to the concept of punishment. To explain it appropriately we are going to have to divert through another episode of my 'crime and punishment' history. I know Dostoyevsky was correct in interpreting the conscience as a driving force in moral behaviour and guilt. Not to forget I was being raised as a Catholic which comes with its own inherent 'guilt-driven' behaviour of the practitioners (at least in our house). I was and still am an honest person. If I have done something wrong I put my hand up (If it was my fault). If it was someone else's fault, well, sometimes I put my hand up for that too. To say it was their fault, not to take the blame for someone else's deeds (though that certainly happened often enough as well). I do however have three particular incidents of dishonesty. The fact that I was caught out for all three is also perhaps why I choose to live a moral existence....nowadays.  I shy away from the dark side (I know who my father was*)
(continued tomorrow)

*that is of course a reference to the great father-son mythology which even 'Star Wars' was based on.