Shape of Leadership

Before I travel outwards on another side-track of tales, I must finish this thread, which began (sort of) in April (I know, I know, you have all been very long-suffering and tolerant, and I appreciate it). What I have been looking at, and exploring, was of course to do with my father’s concept of punishment, at least from the point of view of the punishee, namely me (that would make sense wouldn’t it, if he was the punisher, then I would be the punishee?). But probably, and more importantly, I have come to realise, I am exploring a view as to whether his various punishments achieved his intended goal (what that was I have never been sure). I have in the last few days of this blog specifically identified that my father definitely had problems relating to his children (even when it came to punishment), of how his focus appeared not to be on the relationships themselves but possibly his interpretation of his ‘role’ as a father, no doubt influenced by his own experiences. Never having had much to do with his other family members except as very young children, and one meeting as an adult, there is nothing that we have to say if they were affected in the same way.

As children, we observed (without realising it at the time), our father’s interpretation of his sense of ‘fairness’. And yes, as mentioned (blog July 31^st 2012) whenever I hear that word ‘fair’, I always hear my mother’s phrase, spoken to one of the children when they complained, “It’s not fair!” Her, slightly tongue in cheek reply (I am sure), was ‘No dear, and neither is a china-man” (If anyone knows where that actually comes from, I would like to know, because I doubt that was one which came from the nuns who raised her) but more importantly, I am wondering (as an adult), how our father’s treatment of us, affected our own developing ‘perception’ of fairness. Certainly, he also had created a ‘fearful’ respect, and some of our moral ‘code of behaviour’ conditioning. But overall, it seems to me looking back, he seemed to have demonstrated a definite lack of understanding of the role of a father, as an effective leader, educator and guide.

I have learnt through my working life, and the many ‘bosses’ I have worked for, the essential skills of any good manger (of which I have been fortunate to have had three) is their skill of incorporating those particular elements and delivering them effectively to their staff. Regardless of a person’s involvement in the business, their history, and personal skills, the ability to find that ‘individuals’ approach, to gain the best from those working for them, requires these three skills. Admitting as a boss, you don’t have them, is a first step. But finding out how to develop them, would be a crucial second step, rather than ‘blundering along’ with how you think it should be done. Unfortunately, the ‘blundering along method’ seemed to be my father’s way of working. How he ran the family (and maybe his work place?)

(continued tomorrow)