Shape of a System

So, continuing from where I went yesterday, it appears, as we have been travelling down memory lane, and along life’s little highway (which if you look at my life, is probably in need of serious repair, or at least the potholes should be filled in), we have been exploring the ‘method’ of my father’s teachings. The word ‘unsuccessful’ jumps to mind. By example, the instance of the current thread, as I was in the bedroom, awaiting an undefined, but expected punishment. Undefined, refers to the reason I was to receive punishment for, because as it truly was an accident, I had not intended to cause the injury to my younger brother, as had occurred (see blog April 7^th 2012). Expected, because despite the fact the injury was unintentional, I knew I was to receive some form of a physical punishment. That was the way of it. I had already run a gamut of potential punishments, which my father may inflict. From my early panicked screaming of “He’s (my father’s) going to kill me!” as I carried my bleeding brother home.  Right through to the more curious question of what choice of implements, could expect my father to use, to ‘administer’ (I had always thought that word was to do with health and care, oh well) the, dare I say, ‘undeserved’ punishment?

As I sat in the bedroom with my thoughts racing through what had gone before (in regard to prior punishments), and balancing that, with what the punishments had been for, it was difficult to sometimes link the final result I had received, to the actual event or cause, and difficult to understand the reason my father appeared to have reached in deciding on any particular punishment. Trying to anticipate what I could expect was very difficult, as there never seemed to be a ‘system’ to the punishments from my father. If I did something, such as push my brother over in a game (intentionally) then one would expect maybe a quiet corner or slap on the hand/backside. If I deliberately broke something of someone else’s (eg:another family members toy or such), Then maybe a smack with the wooden spoon could have been expected. But depending on intent of the action, you could expect a certain response (see blog 15^th July 2012). The way my father operated the randomness of punishment selected (particularly when a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction to an instant event occurred), it probably would have been fairer if our family had had a massive ‘chocolate wheel’ (as seen at fetes and fairs around the world) with various punishments written around the edge instead of numbers or prizes. Then, as my father said you were to be punished, you would walk up to the wheel and spin it to see what punishment you received. While we never saw such a wheel, it appears my father operated the wheel in his own mind, given the randomness of the actual punishment we collected.

(Continued tomorrow)