Shaping the Man (Part1)

When I was looking at the role of being a father myself, I found a book called ‘Manhood’ by Steve Biddulph. This also led to a book (amongst many others) called ‘Iron John’ by Robert Bly. One of the major parts of fatherhood discussed in the books is not actually what the father does, but, is about who the father is. This question is to be understood when viewed by the child. It asks the question, ‘Who is your father?’ Not, who is your father, now? It refers to the part of your father that many children do not know or unfortunately ever ask about. The simple, ‘life story’ about your father. Where did he come from? Where did he grow up? What did he do as a child, teenager, adult? What were, or are, his histories. These appear to be simple questions, but, when asked in the context of how they shaped the attitudes and ideas of the person your father became, to you, they are incredibly significant. I recall the passages, which simply mention that many men (this is true, particularly in Australia and New Zealand) follow their true interests after work, in a shed. Where they ‘potter’ with their hobby. While this is happening less, in today’s more electronic age, the idea, that father’s had other interests apart from the actual job they did to earn money, was seldom considered by the children.

For us, our father seemed to enjoy vegetable gardening. Yes, we moaned (and sweated) when we had to help with the digging over of the old vegetable garden. We were actually more delighted when father managed to borrow the mechanical ‘rotary hoe’ from another neighbour. And then there was the weeding, and sometimes watering of the vegetable garden. Though the watering of the vegetables was something our father preferred to do. Perhaps it was the simple act of standing listening to the swishing of the water as he manipulated the hose head over the growing vegetables, that was his only quiet moment of the day, and he must have appreciated it. Understandable, when you think he had been surrounded by people most of the day at his workplace (although he did have his own office), and then to go over to the crowded hotel, where he usually had a nightly drink or two after work, before having to return to a noisy household of eight children. Those quiet moments with the hose, must have been very special to him.

(Continued tomorrow)