Try Inferiority

And that was part of the problem. As they constantly made us feel inferior. Often it was not ‘E’ & ‘K’ themselves who directly did the showing off, but those hangers on, obviously empowered by being associated with ‘the rich’. It was a little sad I suppose. It did make us feel pretty bad, and at times, pressured by them. What was the purpose of it? Just to make them feel better than us? Now I know I recently mentioned that was why I had gone to the trouble of learning the poem in one night (see blog January 3^rd 2013), to make me feel I was better than them (my fellow students). And I certainly realised the original reason for that, was wrong. I realised I could actually just enjoy the skill I had displayed. I had also found that it was appreciated and even thought of as a very successful achievement. Mr Walsh had even said he was impressed. That had meant an enormous amount to me. Successfully doing something which, I had achieved through my own efforts. I had felt proud of that simple achievement, so having others tell me, or infer, I was less than them, simply because our parents were not as wealthy as theirs, that had made me feel pretty bad about our circumstances. Even at nine years of age. We could feel the pressure of others. Yet. Feeling bad about what someone else thought, should not have been my problem. That is only something you come to understand when you get older in life.

They can make you think you are inferior. Or they can create an ‘inferiority complex’ (that’s the official term)

Actually have you ever wondered about those terms, complexes? I asked myself once what if you had a complex, about a building complex? Does that make it a complex, complex? Or worse, if your complex, became complicated? Would it be a complex complex? And if it was a complication over the building complex and you developed a complex about it, would it be a complex, complex, complex? Or would it just be a complex?

So, we were being made to feel inferior to the ‘rich kids’, and they ensured our sad feelings were constantly brought to the fore, with regular displays of wealth (apparent wealth, well, apparent use of their parents wealth that is). Apart from having the latest and best of anything (much which was brought to school to show, knowing it would not be handled by the other children, but simply showing it off told the other students they didn’t have it). They made sure, if they had any money, they spent it. And guaranteed to spend it in a way that we (the poor children of the school) would have to witness. Nothing complicated of course. If the tuckshop was selling anything special, they would buy it, usually more than one, since they knew others could not. They would then sit in the most obvious place and eat whatever they had bought. In front of all the students, usually as loudly as possible (if a noise could be made with it, they would).

(Continued tomorrow)